guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
