the new term for farting is butt boxing.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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