I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
