i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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