We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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