I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
