I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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