allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
