What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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