okay pat passed out under dana's car
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
