she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Randomize
