i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
