I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
