as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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