im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
