Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
