I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
