I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So many bounce houses so little time
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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