he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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