Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
