I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
