Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
