a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
