Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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