wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
