i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
