I CAN MOONWALK!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
