frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You are a genius and a whore.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
