youre lurking in front of me
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
