haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Nicole vs. Life
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
