i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
