I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
