Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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