Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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