I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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