so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
