Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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