I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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