Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
they need to just BURY HIM!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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