I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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