theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
