I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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