Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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