Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
