Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
