Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
