My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
