The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
