Say something about gay babies.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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