There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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