I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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