he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
