May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
