"it" just moved
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
