I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
